Growing younger...
There is this interesting phenomenon that I have been going through that I feel is worth sharing :)
About 3 years ago, I was an independent, confident and mature person. I had learned many lessons from my life's experiences and had become pretty stable mentally. I was always calm and composed, had a set idea of what is right and what is wrong, had clear-cut principles and aims in life. I used to feel that all I needed more to lead a completely independent and grown-up life was financial independence with strong professional distinction to face the big world outside. And that was what I used to work hard towards achieving.
But strangely, from the beginning of last year, I started growing younger mentally...I started un-learning all that I had learned. I started questioning my beliefs and assumptions about life. I am not really sure what triggered this change. It could be the many different people I met in my college life and the different mentalities. It could be the experiences I had in my college life with my room mates...I really cannot pin-point what is the one reason that caused this to happen.
But as of now, I feel I am more like a confused teenager than a mature young adult...A vulnerable, moody, excited, observant little girl with no fixed rules to anything...Infact, when I am with my closest friends, even my behavior and actions becomes child-like. Talking gibberish like a baby comes to me naturally and it gives me immense joy and comfort...So, at times I am 1 year old, other times 5 and at most times 15...
And this process is really speeding up...For eg. Just two months ago, I was very ambitious. I wanted to make it big in the design world. I wanted to earn big, and be known internationally. I wanted people to look upto me because of my work. But surprisingly, today I am not sure what kind of a professional life I want, I am not even sure if I want one! My vision of my future is blank. The only thing I know for sure is that I do not want to live a regular life where I get married to this guy, have kids with him, go for work , come back and make my kids do homework, cook for my family, go to bed and repeat. No, that for sure will not be my future. My future is wild, filled with interesting rare experiences and completely unpredictable. When I think of the future, I cant visualize anything except curly-haired me all joyful and feeling the wind on my face...
So yes, I am growing younger. I try to look at this as a positive process again. I console myself by reminding me of the extracts I have read in many spiritual books about de-gaining knowledge and reaching nothingness. After becoming 'nothing', one gains maximum potential for the spirit to grow higher and one blossoms as a person. Like a caterpillar..It lives its wormy life for a while and then one day it completely dissolves its body into a thick liquid in the cocoon and emerges out as a beautiful butterfly.
Do I see myself in the cocoon??? I think I do... :)
About 3 years ago, I was an independent, confident and mature person. I had learned many lessons from my life's experiences and had become pretty stable mentally. I was always calm and composed, had a set idea of what is right and what is wrong, had clear-cut principles and aims in life. I used to feel that all I needed more to lead a completely independent and grown-up life was financial independence with strong professional distinction to face the big world outside. And that was what I used to work hard towards achieving.
But strangely, from the beginning of last year, I started growing younger mentally...I started un-learning all that I had learned. I started questioning my beliefs and assumptions about life. I am not really sure what triggered this change. It could be the many different people I met in my college life and the different mentalities. It could be the experiences I had in my college life with my room mates...I really cannot pin-point what is the one reason that caused this to happen.
But as of now, I feel I am more like a confused teenager than a mature young adult...A vulnerable, moody, excited, observant little girl with no fixed rules to anything...Infact, when I am with my closest friends, even my behavior and actions becomes child-like. Talking gibberish like a baby comes to me naturally and it gives me immense joy and comfort...So, at times I am 1 year old, other times 5 and at most times 15...
And this process is really speeding up...For eg. Just two months ago, I was very ambitious. I wanted to make it big in the design world. I wanted to earn big, and be known internationally. I wanted people to look upto me because of my work. But surprisingly, today I am not sure what kind of a professional life I want, I am not even sure if I want one! My vision of my future is blank. The only thing I know for sure is that I do not want to live a regular life where I get married to this guy, have kids with him, go for work , come back and make my kids do homework, cook for my family, go to bed and repeat. No, that for sure will not be my future. My future is wild, filled with interesting rare experiences and completely unpredictable. When I think of the future, I cant visualize anything except curly-haired me all joyful and feeling the wind on my face...
So yes, I am growing younger. I try to look at this as a positive process again. I console myself by reminding me of the extracts I have read in many spiritual books about de-gaining knowledge and reaching nothingness. After becoming 'nothing', one gains maximum potential for the spirit to grow higher and one blossoms as a person. Like a caterpillar..It lives its wormy life for a while and then one day it completely dissolves its body into a thick liquid in the cocoon and emerges out as a beautiful butterfly.
Do I see myself in the cocoon??? I think I do... :)
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